Forgotten

I learnt that even how close you are with your loved ones,
its each man for their own at the end of the day,
Even how hard you try not to be separated,
We sit infront of the TV,
with no one to giggle with.

At the end of the day,
we strive for success and wealth.
All those passion are wasted into dream,
Reality is our only living nightmare we dared to live in,

Dollars becomes everybody's obsession.
A rat race to end of the line
To receive its one and only winning prize,
Power was a trophy cupThat shall stand beautifully in your hall of fame.

We are forgotten. We are forgotten.
or better yet.
we have forgotten,we have forgotten.

Assalamualaikum Ramadhan

have we train ourseves enough?.

have we look at the picture enough?.

have we taught our hearts?.

have we blinded ourselves?.

have we deafened our ears?.

have we denied?.

have we prayed?.

Questions filled this wasted youth, who spends her time thinking and working towards the endless future, who slave her ways to success, who deny the many facts of life who forget who Owns her and slaught her ways to freedom This already glutton girl than got stuck again, when she learns her Owner have taught her everything, through the knowledge passed on decades by decades, and all she have to do is learn it slowly. and i confess, i've not trained myself enough i've not looked at the picture carefully, i've not taught my heart humbly, i've not opened my eyes and see, i've deafened my ears to sins, i've denied certain things, but I've learn never to leave my prayers, not a bit.

A moment i stole from today, from all my projects and work and play, i Youtube and saw the man that has been potrayed, as the most Wisest and Humblest leaders till these day, A leader of revolutionary, A leader of honesty, The man who have came from Zahra's dynasty, The man who have learned and practise what's been preached. Allahuakbar, the moment i see, i start to yearn for Muharram instead, As if i've disrespected Ramadhan, and remember the human slaughtrage instead. Ya Allah, Peace be Upon Muhammad and his family, for i bear withness everything, but still have not manage to teach myself to it.

Assalamualaikum Ramadhan, Thank you Allah for giving us the chance to see the light again, As our lives have already been darken for months and days, you came to our rescue and save Your slaves again. *may your Ramadhan be special again and may you and your family be bless this year,Insya-Allah* wasalam ema..=)

decisions

As a kid,the word decision was almost as dreadful as the word think or doing housework/homework and you know how much kids hates thinking. They enjoy being in their own pad of creativeness and that little place where their hearts and brain work together as a team mate in a soccer game. But as we grow up,we learn responsibilities and soon the word decision pops up even more than we can imagine. As soon the books are open, our decision on being what we want starts to play like a song in the head. Question are thrown at you and asked what we want/ought to be and still at that very moment,we are all still indecisive.

"Life is an interesting journey" - T.I-

I got home late last night to a very odd news. That news just somehow gave a small smack on the face telling me to wake up and smell the air and see the changes that's happening. Its like screaming to my face "ïts the millenium and you're 20 soon!" but i just felt like replying "Freak,i know!". I just can't belive that time has stole quite alot from us and that somehow he's not giving it back. Instead,he's giving you the time where you'll have to sit and think what's needed tomorrow as if he knows we will be living tomorrow.

You sit there, talking about tomorrow,deciding tomorrow,planning tomorrow but you dont know if tomorrow comes. Wouldn't it break your heart if tomorrow doesn't come knocking on your down instead a life of eternity comes sending it regards instead?. The news i heard requires alot of attention and weighing of 2 possibilities and definitely a matter of that involves many hearts. It require the delicate touch on sensitiveness and also the strong possible points to ponder. The objective of this decision, not to let past repeat itself. But as i was about to shut my eyes, i saw images of things that could have teared me quite easily.

Some are already happening. Just thinking about it makes me say to myself, are you even ready for it?. Are you stable + strong enough to beat it?. And just after that small ponderation,im left with nothing but my thoughts and "his" decisions. God,i wont know how the "place" would be without "him" around. "He's" like that piece of art you hate but you cant get it off your wall cause it somehow makes you smile. A chance to critise...haha.. My mother have no choice. As a mother that have 3 full grown up kids, One is married and the other one on hold (just waiting) all she was left was to be open and optimistic.

She was left with words of wisdom and knows that things always happens and end up this way. Mothers,what would we be without them... Gosh,haha...its almost 6.22 am now,blogged this right after Subuh prayers...anyway,i dont think i can run from this...personally,im ready to face it. It has to happen someday and good or bad,i'll leave it to the Almighty to percieve it..=) Changes are the aftermath of what you've decided

There it was

There it was. written on the paper was:

"The name of candidate: "Fatimatuzzahrah Binte Abdullah"

and just nect to it written my Grade and also the desk/seat number for my theory examination and also my ID Number.

Right next to it written the Grade Symbols. Nothing beats my heart faster than to think that im actually going to sit for the one exam that got every students studying it feel the heat. Sweat dripping down your forehead just trying to either compose or doing the law of grouping. Getting to understand both the italian,german and french terms.

Trying to decypher them. Trying to explain them. Whats more important was the exam is only 2 hours long and I just hope i'll be able to complete it within that 2 hours period. Its freaky how i just registered the exam a few months ago and now im about to sit for it.

Arts. A word that people will associate with emotions,music and play role. a word that has no end. a word that when one knows the power of its knowlegde will know no end. An international language that the whole world love and adore. A term that people can closely relate to. But no one will know just what it is really. No one will really understand it just how it has manage to understand people.
Good God,i just dun know what else to say. Just wait and study hard for the 31st Oct.

the Big 2

In just matters of days, i'll be celebrating my 20th birthday and as those days gets by me,im slowly smelling and reminising things that i have done in my pass teenhood life.
Things that embarrased me, made me (and family) proud. Things that made me learn and things that made me think using my heart and not my brain.

The brain works beautifully,no denying but with it woking alone it tends to get us somewhere else wrong instead. The heart on the other side,works great if we just know what it is saying by trusting it and embracing it. But you know whats best?...when both cooperate.

It gives you the best benefits no one can give. A trust no one can doubt on you and a having faith clipped on with those two makes growing old worthy. As i get older, i get nagged even more. Sometimes just by looking at my parents/family face i can tell what they want to say but they just hesitate. I dont know what made them hesitate but its that six sense that tells me that its time to be responsible cause i aint no kid no more.

Somehow,they way they want me to learn from my own mistakes was different and yes,haha..i learn them.=) I might be 20 soon,but still,i doubt my own capabilities. I doubt my life ahead of me. I still feel insecure. My family and some really good friends are what keeps me feel safe and whats more,makes me wanted and needed.

Once,when i turned 19, some of my college friends gave me a surprise birthday party. That was indeed my first ever surprise bday party. My sister in crime (haha) Kak Diana, gave me the most splendid thing a sister could give, A baby blue wrist watch and also a treat at Coffee Bean. The watch is still kept in my drawer. I dont want to use it often cause i dont want to spoil it. Its way to good to be used and I want to forever keep it that way. My college peeps on the other end gave me cakes and emily,she gave me her favorite cartoon character,Winnie The Pooh Double Mug and Audrey gave me aLibra Keychain. A card was given to me too with their signature in it. Haha..it made me smile at the same time,stiil insecure. My family cooked for me briyani.hehe. cause my family never really had a birthday party or anything. My parents, they liked it simple and hassle-free.haha.Either way,im still loving it. haha.

But what makes me really feel close to was death. I am not saying im afraid of it...well,atleast a little,but im afraid i have not accomplish enough to meet my Creators needs. Just looking at my parents these days can bring tears to me. They are,day by day growing old but somehow their spirits are strong cause they have their responsibilities. They have my brother and me to still need to be taken care of. The only thing that i will always remember is how my mother would nag at my brother to perform his morning prayers. haha. (if he were to have his own kids one day,im gonna spill the beans to his kids.waahahah)..Till my mother had to spray water on his face and so on. The noise he made was like a caveman learning how to speak. WAHAHAHA... anyway,all these that people have done for me are timeless and will always be that black and white memory in me.

Trust me. 20. Good God. haha. How time just really pass by. I didnt feel it coming either. I just see it coming but didnt even notice it was almost here. Responsibilities are becoming more of a priority, love life needs to be fulfill and whats more important, Allah needs to be on the top of my every list.

To all the Libra babies,October babies and soon to be celebrating their birthday this year...I wish you all the best in life and don't forget to smile cause frowning will just take away the sweetness in our life. Spend each day like your last and and dont forget to smell the roses once in awhile.

Love,Peace and Im Out Wasalam, Ema.=)

Inspired.

I was on the bus on the way to college just now when 98.7 fm played an acoustic version of Bon Jovi "Everyday".

I just than realize how smart the lyrics were written. Smitten by the lyrics, i decided to go and google for the lyric and found this simple 2 sentence just before the chorus...

Goodbye to all

my yesterdays,

Goodbye, so long,

I'm on my way

And than came the chorus...

I've had enough of cryin' Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'

Hear me when I say

Gonna live my life everyday I'm gonna touch the sky

And I spread these wings and fly I ain't here to play I'm gonna live my life everyday

That was the part that made me start feeling all motivated to live again and forget about all that happened cause as they always say,everything happened for a reason. But all i ask for is for God to forgive me for my ignorance and bless me always. haha.good God,i almost forgotten to smile. lol..=)

From the warrior of Islam.

"Failures are often the results of timidity and fears; disappointments are the results of bashfulness; hours of leisure pass away like summer-clouds, therefore, do not waste opportunity of doing good"

I bumped into this saying as i was scrolling down my facebook page. It was from this page called,Imam Ali (feel,free to search it in my friend list okie?.)...
I stopped for awhile and think about this beautiful quote and starts to realize that this is already happening among us all. Sometime, we are mistaken when we take on that opportunity to turn our back on fears and speak our mind (They call us,outspoken just because we were saying what they can't).

To say Alhamdulillah even when failure arrives and thank Allah for waking us up from our own ignnorance.We pass each day with complaints. Saying we are tired,we are angry,we are upset,we aredissapointed and so on. We complain each and every day but what we are complaining is somehow bringing food onto the table,searching and learning for endless knowledge,being innovative by creating things that make life easier while all these are what Allah wants us to do. At the end of the day, we all live by a motive. To seek what each and everyone needs but most importantly,all these meets up to meeting His Needs to complete us,muslims.And without noticing,throughout the complains of our daily lives,we are actually slipping our chances of doing good.

We hectic and hassle ourselves by thinking too much about us and neglect those around us. Have we not only ignored God,but we ignored our own self.To think about it, its rather pathetic,don't you think?.

So please,dont be afraid! Just learn how to respect others perspective. Speak your mind when needed especially when its the truth that needs to be heard. Dont let things dissapoint you but learn them instead. Dont let hours pass like summer-clouds and see what can be done before it passes off away. GRAB AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO GOOD AND PLEASE...LEARN TO SMILE HONESTYLY..=))

p/s-i am a follower of Ali and i dont want to be afraid. Do you want to be haunted by things that should have been done but because of fear you let hold of it in your heart and kill yourself away?.

*selawat*

=)

SHUT UP

NEWSFLASH: Singapore is raising its electical bills by 12% starting November 2009.

Just as i was about to watch "Dance Flick" the DVD over on my computer, (the one that i hardly use to watcd any DVD on), i got nagged by my dearest mother. Before that my father told us you can watch but will have to tag along with the electrical bills. My brother is ( and always getting his way watching all those DVDs in his room cause he has got himself a new TV in his room with a DVD player) while me, on the other have only my crap out computer that i can rely on once in awhile.

And as soon as im about to watch it, im always getting nagged at. IM starting to have other thoughts about the situation now. Somehow,when it comes to my part, it seems like i've sunk with all the rest of the matters.

For once i wish we had a day where we dun think about money but just focus on what we have to give into. Compromise into. Instead,we are worrying about what we have to face with. We are not living but instead living the life "they" make us live with. Burden and also hoping away.

Im just dissapointed with a lot of things these days. Im losing my mood and losing my mind at time. Good God, im actually banging on my keyboard. Im just angry. Im just upset. Im just. ARGH!.

Im not even thinking of being nice. I dont want. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE NOW. How about that sounds like?!. Will my parents like it?. Will my family like it?. Sometimes when i look back at everything, i dun think they even have the rights. Somehow im just so dissapointed. 20 years of my life and now im witnessing this?. WHAT CRAP LAH!.

There are times where i wish i wasnt even here, I was somewhere else,travelling alone with sme good friends. Wish i have never been so family type.

WORRYING.STRESSING.THINKING.LISTENING.ANSWERING.PONDERING.

IM TIRED!!! THIS IS MY BREAK. LET ME ENJOY IT!. LET ME LIVE!. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!.

Terror

Its a Friday night and im in my room. Waiting for my aunt and her family to come for some Raya visiting. My parents are outside,following the updates of the recent earthquake that not only hit Samoa Island but also some parts of Indonesia.

I just realized what millenium holds. Lots of lives been taken at one go. First it was the 9th of Sept 2001. The year where people where shocked with the news of terror and also turning the issues of terrorism a phenomina. Next in 2004, The Tsunami. The year where "Serambi Mecca" a.k.a Aceh was hit with a deadly wave and lots of live has been lost. It not only have managed to affect Aceh but also some parts of Malaysia.

And now,as of this year H1N1 and also this recent Tsunami and earthquake. It ever was said that this are the small signs of armegeddon and i believe so. Goodness,im lost for words. Just hearing the news these days causes me to think of what can be much more worse than whats happening. People are just getting shocked day by day and news are being updated every 20 minutes i think.

Terror struck like nobody's business and still so of us are blinded by these signs. Just dont know what else to write. Im just lost for words.

Terror is the new king of millenium and we're have managed to be part of another disaster.

Inspire Me.

Go ahead

I said

Inspire this dull soul.

Once than twice,

Thrice than no more

cause im starting to spin to the tune of emptiness.

i've fought it way too well

that i've lost myself in tranz.

Trying to get inspired.

Trying to keep sane.

Trying to keep awake.

Trying to keep up with change.

Writing with honesty but still keeping it clean.

Cluttered yet humble and neat.

ever wonder what life would be.

Without writers or poets that could have kill down their sense of creativity.

The way they see the words as precious

may have cause other to think they have killed the beauty.

The world is a lonely planet itself

probably mercury will rock better than hell.

I sit today,facing my screen

blaring my speakers to the sounds of Wicked Aura Batucada

but later turned its volume down to nil.

I need to hear myself.

I need to hear my heart.

I need to listen to it attentively

cause i've abandoned it to entertain other lonely hearts.

I logged in to my facebook account

and as usual checked the ordinary.

Checked whats been updated.

Check and status of hatred.

Scroll down i see the usual.

Recieving gift and thanking them.

These days less quizzes but more other crazy crap.

The usuals being taken by those bored or just curious

but either way the answer never really satisfy our hunger for truth.

Now only the sound of my fan can be heard.

The sound of the electrical blades running round in circles endlessly.

How i wish i was part of MadTv. Atleast i could be sacarstic. Or maybe a choice to be in SNL.

I could have rubbed by JT and Megan Foxx.

Anyway,this is my honesty.

At this very moment this is what i feel.

You conclude what u think.

Cause i think i am boring.

ciao

ema.

Concret Jungle

These concrete jungle seems to have swollen me along with him. Stealing everything it has taken from me and took me for granted. And i was naive enough to be nice and played along with what it has in mind.

I was stolen yet free servant, creating a world hidden beneath, letting go of everything that ever means to me and to run after what the world need. Its funny how it works with me. They are very cooperative yet very mean. They are selfish and ruthless, taking lives of those who are clueless. I came i see i surrender, to see this concrete madness,the one people are busy creating, a competition that never seems to have an ending.

The world tallest building, the one who got lives into a messy ending,disrupting others and their future takings and letting them learn that "I, The Concrete Jungle of the World"can be your beautiful ending. A massacre of madness, people are fighting over this selfless power. The motto are always the same "With power we can change the world".

But instead of changing they kept building, One by One created to what it seems to be a whole new beginning. But what is more pathetic to this beginning is creating what is already created.

Monsters is what we've done to ourselves. See yourself and mirror no one else. We have turned into the modern Tarzan and Jane. Swinging by the time or trying to save the day. Creating another moment to reminise but what we have done is created another day of another ending.

Guess we are all inspired now.

Another boring entry...=)

the time now is 11.21 PM...just got back from jalan raya and now im feeling sort of a blister all over my leg..darn...i've been down with flu+ some irritaiting itchy sore throat and also a chesty cough. All that led to me being at home and being the logistic person at home.

*cough*

Anyway,my apologise for not writing in lately. Have been busy with fulfilling what life needs. Just a few weeks ago, i manage to sit for the Final ERP paper. Alhamdulillah, the paper went well but results wise, just aint sure...haha. Many people almost screw it up but guess everyone starts studying when it was close to the Finals examination date. Just when i thought that my exams was over, i was reminded about my Theory ABRSM exams. Another exam that I'VE PAID FOR. it cost $100++..and it will be at the end of next month. But just before that happens, my teacher resigned from the center and is now teaching from home (i guess). The only thing that is bothering me is...the relieve teacher. I wonder what she's like. Hope not like that previous one i got. Talking about her maid and bla bla bla..

Good God..just dunno what else to say...moments like this im just stuck with thinking of other things. haha..till im able to blog again..bye and have a great day ahead..=))

ema...=)

For whom the bell's tolls.

Atlast, my cousin got married last night. The solemnization ceremony took place at her place at about 9.00 pm yesterday. Congratulations and happiness was all around but still somehow, something was missing in this air of happiness. Its not that the candlier was not prep up, or the sitting was unorganized nor was the smile of a newly married couple gone but its actually the spirit of it.

As a young kid, i remember going to the eve of the "majlis" ti help out where i can. Most of the time we will play and fool around as at that time only we get to see our cousins. It was till i was 12 or older, i started helping out. Even at my own Along's wedding, i was in-charge of washing the dishes and the do the kendarat thingy.

Its such a shame that this days, all i see is the lost of the gotong-royong spirit. I know that these days people are working with high post and earning big buck but never have i fathom that people would forget about this spirit.

This gotong royong spirit is the most important spirit for me. Only at this time, we get to help around and also get to conversate with out cousins, joke with them and so on. During the Millenium era or maybe during the early 90's, event such as this is the only place for bachelors to go around and look for their significant other half.

i

Tonight-FM Static.

Theres something. I dont know if its way too early to say this...but i just need to confess, i am a love fool. forgive. i have to deny you cause i really dont know you. who you really are, what you are and are you "free".

I am just that girl,who keeps falling and falling and never learn. Ask me about my life journey and i'll tell you learn most from rejection and being hurt. I rolled my hearts on my sleeves and decided to tell you look,im that freak. But when my hearts aching does anyone hear the cracking of it?. Its falling apart, or so but dont worry im used to mending so, as of this moment i have all kinds of ideas, mending and breaking. lets face it...you're a sweetheart and you are owned obviously.

Tonight
Uploaded by shellybeans - See the latest featured music videos.

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Bosan kadang2 nk cerita. Topic die senang jew tp akhirnya ntah nape boleh masuk topic lain1.. otak ni da la bercelaru, mana nak pikirkn pasal theory aku and also project and finals ema. Hairan la kadang2...risau sangat pasal ape sampai kan conversation mcm tue leh jadi satu pergaduhan. Ema da bosan and PENAT. tu la kadang2 nak bercerita tapi malas pasal macam ni for sure meleret nya. Argh...Ema betul2 nak org rase...bagaimana masuk kelas malam. Tengok, korang leh kate ape.

Ni,badan ni tgh tak sihat. Pastu bagun2 plak orgnya takde. WALAMAK!!!!...

frust tul!...tu pasal ema kadang2 malas nk berbual. Betul2 malas.!

just another

Kerana aku suke atau aku da mula jatuh secare tibe2. Ema pun tak tahu tapi sekarang ni ema da bace tawassul dan ema hanya perlu tunggu. Papepun,sape la ema...bukannya setanding dengan die. Die elok di mata ema. haha. kenal sgt pun tidak. Ni la al-kisah si majnun dan si laila.

tp dlm kisah ini ema la si majnun dan dia si laila. lawak kan?. lol. haha..guess its just another one of those tricks. bah. lol

im lost.now. seriously.

Im wondering havent i learnt my lesson about strangers?. Havent my past thought me to grow up and stop selling my heart off?. Stop rolling it and let the world see?. I just can't seem to find a more stronger poll for me to lean on cooly when in times like these. It seems like im more unreliable when it comes to situation like such.

This is ridiculous. I know. trust me. haha. Indenial. argh. freak. I can see "it" in every corner of my head sia!....

Haiyoh!...thats it. no more.pleaseee..if ever it were to happen let it happen "naturally"..=)

hurm.

i shut my eyes. i see him. his eyes. his hair. haha.funny.he reminds me of a teddy bear i used to play with as kid except for it wasnt a teddy but it was a beruk.haha. lol. hurm. i just pray and lets see whats Allah's answer. hurm. Amin either or. =)

L'incendie-The Fire

Vanessa Paradis.

L'un sans l'autre c'est un incendie
Un incident bien senti
L'un se dit prét à mourir pour l'autre, l'autre aussi
L'un sans l'autre c'est un incendie
Qui n'e'éteint pas de la vie
L'un soleil, l'aurte lune
L'un soliel et l'autre lune

L'incednie
C'est l'un sans l'autre
L'incendie
C'est l'un sans l'autre

L'un sans l'autre c'est un incendie
De forêt ou d'euphorie
L'un déclare sa flamme au 102
L'autre au 201 le feu
L'un sans l'autre c'est un incendie
Aussi doué que la pluie
Tous les oui qu'ils se sont dits
Tous les oui qu'ils se sont dits

L'incendie
...
Vous avez saisi c'est fusionnel
L'un a ses idées et l'autre ses ailes
Alors les séparer devient criminel
A se faire incendier sur la grande échelle

L'incendie

Translated
"The Fire"
One without the other it is a fire
An incident/(A feeling) strongly felt
One says it's ready to die for the other, the other also
One without the other it is a fire that is not extinguished by life
One the sun, the other moon
One the sun and the other moon
The fire
Its one without the other
The fire
Its one without the other
One without the other it is a fire

A forest of euphoria
One declares its flame is 102 (degrees)
The other fire is at 201 (degrees)
One without the other it is a fire
It's as gifted as the rain
All the yeses that they said to each other
All the yeses that they said to each other
The fire
Its one without the other
The fire
It's one without the other

You understand that it's a merger
One has ideas and the other has wings
Then to separate them it becomes criminal
To be made a fire on a grand scale
The fire
Its one without the other

Baby you can drive my car.

I love this song. there's one more song im looking for. damn. its french but i really cant remember who sang it. I wonder if its Vanessa Paradis..hurm..anyway enjoy this one. Love it.Drive my Car by The Hot Rats.
=)

ETP,ERP and Web.

Picked and choose. Thats what i have done all along. I have less than 6 weeks to complete my assignments for ETP cashflow and also my ERP case study. Goodness Gracious me. haha. But what really interest me the most would probably be the Web Publishing. Although im stuck on which topic should i pick. hurm...this is what is said in the email.

"Project Theme"

Students are to select one of the following themes for their individual project work.

Arts & Entertainment
Books & Literature
Business & Industry
Computers & the Internet
Geography & Travel
Health & Safety
History & Government
Math
Philosophy, Religion & Mythology
Science & Technology
Social Sciences & Culture
Sports & Recreation

The challenge for this project is simply creating a web based on one of this topics. Hurm...i have a topic or so in my head. buttttt..now i have realize that idea!!..sucker!!!...\

*due to overwhelming stress, a blogger never blogs properly..hehe.*

im sitting here, just thinking about yesterday that it still relevent to today. Just thinking away how can some people score it big while some can just pass it away.I am sitting here being apathetic thinking, does scoring mean everything?. Will it put me on the map of the world?. Will people realize my existence?. But what is more important is..does it matter?.

Education. I have nothing against it. All i know is that it mould us for a better future and a betterman. EVERY religion asks its followers to learn as it is the only poll that will never fall except if you misuse it. At the end of the day, if you start misusing alot of thing,they dont tend to stand for long and will kiss the ground before you could say stop.

So what really makes people on the map of the world?. The work of volunteering?. Humantrian works?. Scoring?. or making a difference?. haha. must be this young heart that is eager to see the real world i guess. I guess i am not ready for it thats why im still learning. Such an unwise little girl who still thinks that neverland exist and timbaktu is hidden in the map of the world.

But anyway, as i was saying. yesterday.I have seen it before. People scoring before my eyes. I have not always been the cream of the crop, but even if i was it would be the base of the cream and not the tip of it. Not that one where the cherry sit still. If i were a jelly,i would have been wobbling cause that was how my results have always been. WOBBLY. =).

Oh no..not trying to sound smart or "lagak" it just that i've been thinking too much..i think. i am easily paranoid by things. And the effect of it takes its toll on my body taking charge of me. Sometime i see myself as boring and unentertaining cause my head is full of "knowledge" that shall take me to a step higher into this world and now i realize this theory is wrong.

Education is fun. Thats the base. Understanding it makes you score it. thats absolutely true. Making the best out of it. Thats where you are known. The world becomes a better place. Theres where the truth be unfold. The sounds of people whispering your name. Be prepared for rumors,gossips and slanders. Making you stronger. If your faith is strong too.

So here i am sitting. Looking back at the papers that i've studied for yesterday. Am i regretting?. Nope. Am i paranoid?. err,not sure. Am i being indenial?. Maybe but what i can conclude about yesterday is that i almost became lifeless.

Mother,Father,Brothers and Sisters. Nephew and Nieces. Family and Friends. I Thank Allah everyday for them. They are that light that shine through me. With its bright ray and trust keeping me saine all the way. But half the time i am worried. Dissapointing them as i am taken like that rain in the draught. I am more depressed if i dissapoint God and my Imammah.

haha.sorry, suddenly this note is taken way too seriously. Just my thoughts people. Just my thoughts. Like you and me. I think alot. I suffer from what every women suffers from that taste of success. Vanity falls behind with the rest. But what i keep on forgetting is that smile. The help when one needs. That is the success that nobody can ever receive. That smile, That thank you is something you dont see often for the prize of knowing.

haha. can i say already..im just being a loser cause of yesterday's paper!. keke. Anyway,pray for me okies?.

*i had no choice but to write in here as my blogspot is all ^%$%*&&(^&*....hehe.=) have a great day ahead ya'll.

wasalam

ema

head strong.

Je suis d'un pas rêveur le sentier solitaire,
J'aime à revoir encor, pour la dernière fois,
Ce soleil pâlissant, dont la faible lumière
Perce à peine à mes pieds l'obscurité des bois!

(.The meaning of it.)

I walk the lonely path in dreamy steps,
And want to see again, for the last time,
This waning sun and pale whose feeble light
Barely pierces the woods' dark at my feet!

The silent night is creeping,
Onto this lonely soul,
sitting all alone,
with nothing but her PC and her bloggings on.

She sits and stare,
and starts to pen,
those words that played,
in her head.

This wordplay,
this puzzle game,
this little blue ol day,
this smack me now face.

I need a lotion,
cause my heart is bruised,
by those people,
that turned me blue.

but what funny
when i looked back,
now they are not hesitatiting
to crawl back.

I am not cruel
I am no Saint
Im just speecless,
and insane.

This ultra craziness
you find in me is normality,
a regular cycle
that you'll keep bumping.

Charlie says,
"smile tho your heart is aching"
"smile even tho its breaking"
"smile whats the use of crying"

And i smile to the exact points of those lyrics.
Smile liked a nitwit,
Smile liked a fool
Laugh when the world is looking,
Curse them when their backs on you,

You jeopradise harmony,
I jeopradise your reality,
now you're thinking im physco,
haha,think again i might be one..maybe.

_________________________________

struck out of boredom and the simplest prone of depression
thats why i need my date and get out of this stupid cocoon i've
live in.

damn.
=)

Suerte

Suerte que despierto junto a ti,
Suerte que senti lo que senti
suerte que regresas para mi

i like how you wear that hat,
that akubra,that white shirt and those slacks.
the way you move comfortably in it,
makes me feel more from it.

i like how you strum your guitar,
beautiful words starts to sway with me,
i like how you manipulate me,
in every good way with care and comfort and respect that is.

but what i like most is,
you.
you and
you.

How you think about the people around you,
How you show your care and your anger,
How you enjoy nature,
How you can be so adventurous that you almost got hurt.

You almost made me cry,
the moment i heard you were hospitalized.
You almost made me weak,
the moment when you say,
"babe, im ok...senyum please."

and i smiled cause i know you're strong.
you're the man of the game
and you never get it wrong.
And i smiled and prayed instead.

You're the most beautiful thing
that i ever crossed path with.
haha.at first it was friendsship
and now we're together and its amazing!

I wonder how i can be lucky.
Lucky enough to fall for his tricks.
haha. i am a fool.
but a lucky one indeed.

To be bless to be loved,
by my own besties best.
what else would i want my dear,
what else.what else.

Only one thing though
that i pray and my personal request
You,me and a family one day and that about that.
Amin.

Akhirnya.

ema rase for the first time in my life ema da betul2 benci seseorg. hurm. Rasenya 3 kali da cukup untuk memberitahu ema that da cukup jangan kali nie ema plak nk bagi muka lagi. Ema tak suke nk jadi biadap dan kurang ajar tp senang citer kalu ema da tak suke ema akan frankly tell it straigh to your face.

Ema bukan baik atau friendly pasal org,tp ema tahu perasaan nya kalu kite bukan dan lagipun Islam tak mengajar kite utk berlaku biadap. Tp kalu da melampau...maaf la,you're sooo barking at the wrong door.

And lagi,nk preach about persahabatan,please la...ikhlas itu lebih penting dari awak nk preach. Show me wat you got not wat i need to hear.

Nk benci?..ema mmg tak suke nk membenci,tp kalu ema da tak nk pandang mata awak langsung faham2 la ema da tak sudi nk berbual ngan awak. Dan kalu ema da sampai malas nk berdiri disebelah awak,faham2 la ema pun da malas nk lyn awak kalu asyik bediri sebelah awak,awak akan menghina dan mengutuk dan mencaci.

Kali ini bukannya tiada "maaf bagimu" tp hanya ema da malas da bosan. Antara semua manusia dalam bilik ini,awak tetap nk cari pasal ngan saye.

Erm,cuma ayat terakhir saya adalah...GET A LIFE

To trust everybody in times of injustice and cheating is disability. -The Golden Sayings of Imam Jaafar a.s.-

A friend is one who walks in when the whole world walks out yet again no one really stays in that long. As said by Imam Ali, a friend cannot be considered as a friend unless he is tested on 3 occasions: in time of need; behind you back and after death. *you,we,us-young and restless,let time teach us and prayers as mattress to lie in when the everything seems incomplete and wary.*

ema.=)